Who are we kidding? Kim Kardashian wouldn’t just flaunt her booty for Paper Magazine, but she most certainly drops the veil on that rotund double mound for the cover.
At this point, is Kim Kardashian flaunting her enormous butt anything more than novelty? It’s something we’ve all seen before, and seriously, people, if you saw it in person, you wouldn’t recognize it. Kim is short, and it looks wholly disproportionate to the rest of her. Even when she’s got her cleavage pushed to her chin.
That said, Kim is proud of her best asset, and is thrilled to show it to everyone… after it has been photoshopped, of course, and made to look as if it was carved from marble. Again… nope. Still, the biggest of Kim Kardashian fans–Reggie Bush, Ray J, Kris Humphries and Damon Thomas–will likely think that Kim has never looked better than she does on the cover of Paper. Because she’s just that–on paper, and not in the same room as they are… and because these dudes know that in real life: Not quite marble.
But enough of Kim’s repeated attempts at averting your eyes from her waning intellect toward her waxing gibbous. Let’s discuss how you too can profit from nothing more than industry connections, an impressive hip measurement and a sex tape. For starters, a diet high in unsaturated fats (think macadamia nuts), protein and mashed potatoes will help with the whole thoroughbred-like hindquarters. You’ll also need access to a challenging flight of stairs, some focused gym equipment and many of the butt toning freebies available on YouTube.
At that point, you’ll want to secure a partner for your sex tape. Honestly, depending on what you claim to believe, dishing up the most controversy is likely your best bet. For example, if you’re a devout Christian woman (you know, like Kim claims), forget having sex with a dude…shoot for another woman. Again, controversy sells.
It is worth mentioning: If you have a father who is a high-powered attorney, it could help lay the groundwork for your desire to someday possess a social empire, but this is America boys and girls… anything is possible. Just ask Kim.
For a sneak peek at Kim’s reverse peaks, check out the video below.