Fans of the hit reality series Teen Mom OG know that Catelynn and Tyler Baltierra never had easy or comfortable childhoods and over the years, they both have opened up more and more about their personal struggles.
Recently, Tyler has been sharing more and more of his writing after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and his most recent work left many fans heartbroken. On Sunday, June 24, the 26-year-old reality star took to his Instagram to share his emotional poem, writing, “I wasn’t going to post this poem…but I know that I’m not the only one who went through mental health struggles & I know that someone can relate to this experience, which is why I decided to vulnerably share this with you guys.”
“This was written about a very dark time in my life & I still don’t like to categorize myself as a survivor but the older I get, the more I realize that we are ALL survivors & we ALL are worthy enough to live!” he wrote and added the hashtags #YouAreNotAlone, #PoetryIsMyBrainsFreedom, #KeepTalkingMH and #SickNotWeak.
“I know it’s getting deep out there, but hang in there, it keeps going & there’s more from my heart that I gotta pour. Now imagine a little boy almost 12 years old with an angry core & he’s already smoking & trying to find a way to not have his mind collapse to the floor,” he wrote in his poem.
He goes to school, no he’s not a fool, his grades are good, but he’s more comfortable with his attitude & uses his anger as his tool to get through,” he continued. “He enjoys arguing, has an authority problem, loves watching these teachers get worked up hatin cause they think that boredom is really the problem like it’s so common, he gets suspended but no, that boy ain’t stoppin. It doesn’t bother him that bad cause he knows this week he’s gonna see his Dad. But ya see, later on that week, he gets a call from his Dad that makes his knees become weak, ‘Sorry Son, your Dad f—— up again, I have to go back to livin in prison ya see, this is hard on me.”
The poem then describes the emotions of being let down by his father once again, before he starts contemplating ending his own life.
“He climbs up a tree in the backyard & starts to ponder. As tears fall from his cheeks, he can see the rope that’s tied to a tire, where he used to swing as a kid just to see if he could get higher,” he wrote. “He’s always been a fighter, but he thinks today is his time to surrender. He grabs that rope, ties it around his neck, then jumps with the weight of all his emotions & he can’t seem to cope with all that, which makes that rope snap back.”
“He claws his fingers into his neck to relieve the pressure, he looks at the back door, his brain searching desperately for something to climb after & he pictures what his mom will find & then it hits him in time, he knows she deserves better, he knows she’s not a quitter & she didn’t raise a quitter,. So he keeps clawing his neck deeper, he keeps stretching his toes that can’t reach the ground or follow the leader, he’s fading away but his motivation is eager & he don’t wanna die, he’s just gotta try to survive.”
“He catches the tip of his feet on the dirt for a split second now he doesn’t hurt, it’s only a split second but it’s long enough, he thinks to himself now it’s time to get tough! He pulls his body weight up, slips through the death hold, then falls to his knees through the weakness as he sees all these emotions start creeping up.”
After revealing on the Teen Mom OG reunion show that he had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, Baltierra revealed that he had refused medication and was researching his own methods. “Well tbh it’s still so new to me. So I’ve been doing non stop research on the diagnosis, the different remedies to combat the symptoms, & how to better understand it. I did refuse medication, but only because I wanted to try all of the natural remedies first. It’s a journey!” he tweeted.
He has since shared pictures of his lifestyle change as he has taken up a healthier diet and quit smoking.
“Hard work is paying off! It’s been 6 months since completely changing my eating habits, I dropped 40lbs & now it’s time to cut it all up with these workouts, BOOM! #CrushingThesePersonalGoals#ItFeelsGreat.” he captioned a photo of himself over which text reads, “Finally getting my abs back!”